PEAK INTO THE FUTURE!

At Disneyland, we found an age progression computer that gave you a guess as to what you'd look like as you aged...the three older kids did it and I thought it was FASCINATING...we'll have to see in the years to come how accurate it was!

 Heather in 20 years...I hope she still won't be wearing ribbons in her pig tails when she's 24!

 Ewan at 26.  He looks like Evan's brother Kirk to me in this picture.

Cameron at 28.  This one disturbs me because he looks so darn sad.  It's kind of creepy.  I should have redone it and made him smile!

DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We spent an amazing week at Disneyland this month.  It was our first time taking a real family vacation that involved simply playing together for days and days on end.  IT was SO FUN!

Nobody does family fun like Disney.  Nobody. It was a magical, musical, thrilling, exciting and nostalgic experience I am sure we will be talking about for a years to come. 

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa McAllister for the gift of a WONDERFUL place to stay!

Thank you Nanny and Papa for joining us and helping to wrangle our wild bunch of kids.  Five days later I'm still on a high from the whole thing!

CONNOR JAMES

                      Shortly after Cameron turned one, we found out we were expecting another baby. 

That same day, I knew we would have a boy.

I knew we would name him Connor.

I knew.

I felt powerfully connected to his sweet, peaceful soul the instant I knew he was growing inside me.

I was so, so sick that summer.

I remember crawling between the bathroom and my bed.

It was a hot summer and  the hotter it got through the day, the sicker I got.

I put Cameron securely in a baby gym to watch PBS kids for hours every afternoon until Evan came home from school.

On August 18th I went to a routine check up and there was no heartbeat.

Some time in my 19th week, he had passed away.

Just like that.

I learned in the months that fallowed,

that God is found

in our deepest sorrow.

A peace like I had never known accompanied my heartache.

Aug 19th 2003

We checked into the hospital

He was born around noon.

We buried his little body on the farm where Evan grew up.

We planted a tree.

And it grew.

And so did our family.

I am forever grateful for how my heart changed.

How my priorities changed.

I will never be the same.

EWAN'S 6th BIRTHDAY

Ready to Blow out the candles on his birthday cake!

We had a Super Hero Training Camp Birthday Party!  Everyone was invited to dress up and we had a fun morning of practicing our super skills!

Superman and Batman

 Super Pony Girl and Little Super Pony Girl

 Evan was the Evil Dr. Ping Pong...our villain for the day.  The Super Heroes pulled him over with a rope, practiced shooting at him with water guns and got chased around the yard trying to escape him.  He was a VERY good sport and the star of the party!

 Ewan and Cameron carefully playing Toss the Super Bomb (aka water balloon)

BACK TO BASICS

Last summer, I stood under a cherry tree and felt the quiet simple joy of picking cherries.  After a year of extreme stress, of running around to appointments and therapies, of a new baby and three kids at school at three different times...I wanted to bottle the quiet peace I felt at that moment and to fill my children's lives with that simple joy.  We've made a lot of changes in the past year in an effort to create those moments. Our summer so far has been filled with simple joys.  Here are a few of them...

The joy of sitting under a tree.  The joy of putting up a tent.

The joy of holding hands.

The joy of sword fights in the forest, ooey-gooey smores by the camp fire and catching bugs.

The joy of running through grass,

 or jumping off the diving board for the first time,

 of cuddles by the campfire and early morning fishing on the lake.

The joy of dressing up.

The joy of binoculars and sparklers.

of grandparents. and cousins.

The joy of swinging.

The joy of being together.

SHE MAKES THE RULES

She's a bounty huntin'

shoe lovin'

mischief makin'

BIG girl!

You got a problem with that?

BRINGING THEM HOME

It's difficult to find the words to put the past 9 months into perspective with out looking back to where we were...
Some days I don't even remember who that little boy was, the one who was so full of anger and anxiety and stress that he hardly interacted with me anymore, could hardly make eye contact with anyone. He spent most of his hours at home in his room decompressing from his day at school. Something as small as asking him to come to dinner could set off an emotional tirade that would last an hour.

Sometimes I watch him do the smallest thing...And I know I am witnessing a miracle.

Bringing the children home to home school took about as much courage as anything I have ever done. It has transformed our lives in ways that I cannot find words to explain. I have learned deeper and clearer that God knows me. He knows my children. He hears my prayers and he answers them.

There are hard days...lots of them, it's still real life with all of the upsets and variables that come with it. But this week Heather read her first word, because I taught her to read. Cameron and I imagined together the thrill of living alone on a deserted island as we read the pages of Tom Sawyer. Ewan painstakingly worked to put letters together on his own to make his first real words and I was there, engaged, involved, present in a way that being their teacher has taught me to be.

Repeatedly on Sunday, Cameron wrapped his arms around me and said "I want this to be the best Mother's Day you ever had!" He made sweet and thoughtful efforts all through out the day to show his love for me. He is a joyful, conscientious, curious and loving little boy again and I thank God for leading us to this path.