That same day, I knew we would have a boy.
I knew we would name him Connor.
I knew.
I felt powerfully connected to his sweet, peaceful soul the instant I knew he was growing inside me.
I was so, so sick that summer.
I remember crawling between the bathroom and my bed.
It was a hot summer and the hotter it got through the day, the sicker I got.
I put Cameron securely in a baby gym to watch PBS kids for hours every afternoon until Evan came home from school.
On August 18th I went to a routine check up and there was no heartbeat.
Some time in my 19th week, he had passed away.
Just like that.
I learned in the months that fallowed,
that God is found
in our deepest sorrow.
A peace like I had never known accompanied my heartache.
Aug 19th 2003
We checked into the hospital
He was born around noon.
We buried his little body on the farm where Evan grew up.
We planted a tree.
And it grew.
And so did our family.
I am forever grateful for how my heart changed.
How my priorities changed.
I will never be the same.
