After Kathryn Anne was born, I decided that with the next baby we would wait until it was born to find out the gender. Right away when we told the kids we were pregnant they wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl, and I told them that that was going to be a mystery until the baby was born. So Heather started referring to the baby as "Mystery Baby." The kids began saying things like "How old will I be when Mystery Baby is born?" or "Which room will Mystery Baby sleep in?" or "Where will we put Mystery Baby's car seat in the car?"
I took a short trip with the kids to visit my parents in Montana this month and started miscarrying on the drive home. Spent all of the next day in the ER. Spent the next three days laying around cramping and bleeding and crying. It's all over now and somehow "Mystery Baby" seems an appropriate name for the short life that entered our family and our hearts and is now gone.
Interestingly, I come away from this loss with an increased joy and sense of wonderment at the miracle that is life. I am in awe of the process, and so much more in love with the children who made it all the way into my arms. I find myself watching them play, eat, interact, talk to themselves, try something new, look for my approval and I am keenly aware that life is miraculous and wonderful and fragile. And so, so precious. Thank you for that, Mystery Baby.
5 comments:
Rebecca, I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried at 8 weeks in March and it was a very sad experience. I hope all is well with your family and that you continue to be blessed by your children past, present, and future. :)
Becca, I am so sorry to hear about your Mystery Baby. Your outlook on life is truly an inspiration. xoxoxo
I am so sorry. You have an amazing attitude about it all.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Love you and your family!!!
I tried to send this in an email to you, but I guess I do not have your updated email address.
Hi Rebecca,
I have been thinking of you for a few weeks since I read your "mystery baby" post. I was so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Life sure takes us on a lot of unexpected twists and turns, doesn't it? I really appreciated you thoughts following everything. It seems odd to be able to feel both joy and sorrow after something so difficult, but I really related to your feelings. I am really starting to understand how some of the hardest things in life can make everything else so much sweeter. Thanks for sharing your insights and thoughts. You are a good example and influence on me. :) I hope that you are doing well and feeling lots better!
Sincerely,
Meilani
P.S. Doug Shumway and his family just moved about five minutes away from Joel and I. Joel helped them move furniture and boxes in and I have already been over to let the kids play together and visit. We feel so lucky to have old friends nearby.
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